I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
