i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
