need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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