im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
