I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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