how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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