Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
did i just pee glitter
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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