bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
