If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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