Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
