Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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