oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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