is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This baby is an asshole
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
