the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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