tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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