I'm drive I can fine osifer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
