dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
