just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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