I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
