Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
