He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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