im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
