roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
