i was born a porn star she said
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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