We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
