I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize