I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
