I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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