ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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