just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
