I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
