She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
