So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
