im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
