It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
