I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
