dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
