it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
