I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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