i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
