do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
