So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
