Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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