Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize