I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
