I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
