Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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