How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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