Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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