So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
