so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
