He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
