I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
