fuck your aforementioned shoe
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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