Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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