oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
