i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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