Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
