two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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