So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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