How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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