oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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