Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
