dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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