i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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