so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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